Monday, 30 June 2014

Clothes maketh the man... into the woman

As a crossdresser with a yearning to be transformed, the idea of clothes that transform the wearer to suit them naturally appeals. Put on the right dress and I'll look like it was made for me... when in fact I was made for it.

My most elaborate (and I freely admit insane) fantasy involves this... and poltergeists... and period clothing.

There's a delightful moment in the basically terrible remake of The Haunting when invisible ghostly hands start to braid the heroine's hair. I really wanted it to go all the way from hair to outfit...

I've done this as a roleplay a few times, usually pulling the resulting beauty back into Victorian times but sometimes putting her in a new life in the present or other eras.

I'd make a film of it if I had the resources to do so... probably leaving out the TG element, just using the magic makeover...

Sunday, 29 June 2014


.. is, oddly enough, the day I dress most often. In my Sunday best. Not having to work, not having to study, the number of shops being shut actively discouraging shopping...

It's also the day I roleplay most often, so that gets me out of the house... and resisting the temptation to play girly characters around my friends... usually.

Saturday, 28 June 2014


This is something I do two ways.

1: as my secret identity, the regular group and dice and rules version.

2: as me, interactive storytelling and/or cyber.

I take care not to let 2 leak into 1.

I keep an eye on how many female characters I play, try to keep it less than 50% and make sure not to make them all very femme. In most games it doesn't really matter.

(Funnily enough I've gone most femme when there are female players around, they find playing tomboys with me playing a girly-girl amusing and throw in ideas.)

I've played female characters at more length online in 1-style games, as my physical presence isn't such a distraction from the role.

And (ahem) I may have played a female player in some games. There I get reallllly femme.

On Elliquiy and IRC and YIM, I pretty much exclusively do gender transformation stories, as it's all about the adult and erotic side of things. Some of them even have plots, of a sort!

Friday, 27 June 2014

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Bride of the Vampire

I try to keep my TG and non-TG interests apart (so I've resisted writing TG fanfic... just about...) but vampires cross my sexy and non-sexy interests.

Pale and Gothic and slim and prone to wearing old-fashioned clothing and having to pretend you're one thing when you're really another and sensually biting necks and eternally young and beautiful...

I'm not the first to add gender changing to their list of possible powers. I've seen a few stories like that. There's a whole clan (vampire type) in White Wolf's Vampire The Masquerade RPG who alter their bodies and those of others as their unique power. Of course, I'd usually bypass that and go straight to playing a female character, except in specifically TG roleplay where being changed is part of the fun...

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

I want to be a 50s housewife

I didn't live through this one either - I did once meet a crossdresser who had, who definitely encouraged me to want this.

It's a recognisably modern era were gender divisions were sharper than much of the rest of the 20th century, exaggerated.

Petticoats came back in, along with girdles (not quite corsets, but good enough!) and major makeup being a part of the look as well.

The 50s Housewife is a definite style... and one I want to try.

Yes, I want to be Betty Draper. (Just with a more loyal and honest Don.)

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

I want to be a Victorian lady

Okay, so, having been born three quarters of a century after end of the Victorian era, why do I want to dress that way?

This one is partially down to being British. The BBC do a disproportionate amount of period dramas, and that means pretty actresses modelling corsets and petticoats and bustles and all.

And it's not just me. There's a lot of Victoriana among Goths - another reason I envy Goth girls. An acknowledgement that it's beautiful, elegant and delightfully impractical.

Monday, 23 June 2014

Mind control fantasies

I can probably cite Chris Claremont for this one. I suspect a generation of geeks can. The 80s X-Men comics have a lot of sexy evil fetish mind control. Usually with the controlled heroine (and it's usually a heroine) getting a sexy evil fetish makeover.

The most famous example is Jean Grey at the Hellfire Club, which leads to her wearing a corset and thigh boots and then becoming Dark Phoenix. (Of course, he can cite that episode of The Avengers which he "borrowed" the Hellfire Club from, where Mrs. Peel wears that while pretending to be drugged. And they were referencing the real Hellfire Club. Although no evidence of ladies in thigh boots there.)

As mentioned before, it factors into "forced" TG, as it's "not your fault" you're acting that way...

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Ambition: Stockings

I've never worn stockings, only tights. I'd really like to try them. Get my legs nice and smooth, pedi and paint my nails, and slowly carefully roll up a brand new pair of sheer stockings.

Not that I'd stop there, of course. I'd have knickers on already... and a full bra and girdle... fasten myself into a new dress, step into high heels and strap them on at the ankle, do my makeup, jewellery, perfume...

Okay, add girdle to the ambition list. I've done all the rest...

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Isn't the solstice supposed to be magical?

It's the longest day, it's nice and warm outside... and I'd like to be wearing a sun dress.

Being femme for half the year might be just about enough... although which half? Warmer or colder, or cutting across the solstices? Ideally spring and autumn, so it's not too warm or too cold for sheer hose and skirts of varying length...

Friday, 20 June 2014

One Of The Girls, For The Boys

In my "secret identity" I'm not generally attracted to men.

As the me writing this, I'm not generally attracted to women.

Somewhere along the way, I went from wanting a woman to feminise me to wanting a man to do it. A real man, a strong man, who will make me feel small and girlish and feminine...

Apparently this development is not uncommon. So that's something...

Thursday, 19 June 2014

My earliest feminising experience

Back before puberty to about age seven, at that stage when I was acutely aware that boys and girls were different but not entirely sure how - I once left the house in the evening after a spat with my older brother and was then cornered in the park nearby by a female neighbour/contemporary of his and one of her friends. They were obviously in a weird mood because they decided to torment me (for all of three minutes) by asking me about Princess Diana (or Lady Diana as I mistakenly still called her) and then...

... making me curtsey.

I've never told this to anyone.

Being feminised became an occasional fear...  and then a desire.

And I still remember how to curtsey.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

What did you wear last time you dressed properly?

Or in my case, what am I wearing right now? I have a day off...

My favourite long black skirt, knickers bra and tights to match, the shoe you see my picture in and its partner, a purple silk blouse, bit of lippy and eyeliner, not full slap. I really need a new wig...

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

An old favourite

When I was in school, the library had some books on horror films. Which seems weird, but never mind. And in one of them was this ad for Dr. Jekyll And Sister Hyde.

The film did NOT live up to the ad. It was in fact pretty low-key, quite witty (by the creator of The Avengers TV series and Captain Kronos) and the main transformation sequence was done (a) quite cleverly and (b) wearing a dressing gown.

She didn't spend long enough dressing up in lovely Victorian dresses and undies for my liking, but we can't have everything...

Monday, 16 June 2014

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Going Gothic

This is one look I've been able to try in public. (At Halloween.) All in black,long skirt and blouse, hair and makeup to match... For a while I had a pair of ankle-length "witch boots" with a slight heel.

I wished Halloween could come more often.

Goth clubs were pretty CD-friendly, lots of long-haired men in makeup and frilly shirts anyway, but getting to and from them was the tricky part. So just the once... my one outing as me.

Saturday, 14 June 2014

Forced Feminization, Bimbofication And More

Locked In Lace explains this idea nicely.

I didn't know the common term for this for a few years (I started dressing pre-WWW) and when I discovered it my first thought was "of course..."

As I was raised supposed to be a boy, wanting to be a girl felt "wrong", as something I wasn't supposed to want. But if it isn't (apparently) my choice to be feminized, I don't feel so guilty or ashamed.

And in fantasy, other kinds of coercion come in. Being tricked or blackmailed so I have to act as well as look like a girl...

Or being hypnotised to accept it. Which could also bring in mental changes.

One major variation on this is bimbo transformation. (Thank you CaptAdams!) I am physically and mentally changed into an ultra-feminine woman and made to enjoy it and it isn't my choice, so I can guilt-free, carefree and happy...

Thursday, 12 June 2014

The first image I wanted to be

It snuck up on me around Christmas 1986 and left a lasting, defining impression. I had experimented with dressing by then, but I figured I was safe enough going to see a family fantasy film. One I still love, and not just for this scene near the end.

Cut for those not wanting my weirdness to ruin their childhood...

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Casa Valentina

So I just heard on Fictionmania about this Tony-winning play by Harvey Fierstein and I want to go.

To the play.

And to the early 1960s crossdresser's weekend retreat where the play is set...

My self-image(s)

As I joke on Elliquiy, when I grow up I want to be Morgana even though she's younger than me. I've used pictures of her as my avatar there since starting (yikes) almost six years ago. Being a stunning Gothic beauty, fetish model and artist is more than a little appealing.

Of course, she's not the only one. That would be far too simple.

And yes, I really, really want this to be me.

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Being a woman for one day

"Take this, and you will become a beautiful woman for one day."

What would you do? Apart from try and get a lifetime supply?

Saturday, 7 June 2014

Crossdressing, transformation and fantasies

Having talked a little about who I want to be, I suppose I should discuss some specifics.

I call myself TG because it's a broad spectrum. I'm not transitioning at this time, but would like to. Given the chance, I'd go for it, permanently.

But dressing up is also erotic for me, so I'm a bit of a jumble of desires and motives.

I am a transvestite.

I'd like to be more.

My fantasies include:

Transforming into a full female, being beautiful. Currently impossible. Damn it.
Being passable when dressed. The closest to possible.
Forced feminization. Because of guilt about the whole thing, and submissiveness.
Being told what to wear. See above.

And it gets weirder...

Mind control. A step beyond force, where I have no choice at all... except to enjoy it.
Bimbo transformation. See above. Being sexy and fun, to please a man, and having no will to resist my new desires.
Clothing-based changes. Putting on clothes shapes me into the person who should fit them... so putting on a dress turns me into the lady it was designed for...
Vampires. Yes, I'm a bit of a Goth boy/girl.

And it tops out at "wow, that's just impractical"...

Time travel. Yes, I want to become a woman in a previous century. A time of really beautiful and impractical clothing, like the late Victorian era or the 1950s. "When men were men and women were women..." and I'd be a woman.

Being trans sometimes messes with my perceptions

The blog post on Elliquiy that led to this:

Yesterday, out and about in my masculine "secret identity", I went into my local-ish KFC and found myself queueing behind a tall and lean but somewhat muscular woman, my height (almost 6') and wearing a bondage collar as well as a little black dress (with the sixe 10 tag sticking up at the back) and spike heels (which helped with the height, but she'd still be tall without), with shortish hair and rather extreme makeup.

I was actually surprised when I heard a woman's voice when she spoke.

She was a dancer in costume on her way to a performance, hence the out-of-place attire and stagey makeup, as I figured because she was with three other women in workout clothes and ballet and dance company shirts. I mentioned the tag to her, and she put it in and laughed "oops, showing everybody I'm a size ten" and I said "well, I would if I could too" and smiled and tried to pass that off as a joke rather than the truth.

So yeah, I met the sort of women that convincing (if rather tall) crossdressers can aspire to pass for, and immediately thought she was one.

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Who I am, and who I wish I was

Once upon a time there was a boy who wondered what it would be like to be a girl. When he was about 12, he tried on some of his mother's clothes, just to see how they worked... how a bra went on and came off, that kind of thing... And I discovered that I liked it.

Since then I have fantasised, sometimes more and sometimes less but rarely not at all, about becoming a real girl.

I'm in the closet and not really passable IRL (unfortunately) so my dressing is occasional and secret.

Right now, I'm wearing black bra and panties, hose, skirt, heels and blouse. It feels good to be properly dressed.

Ultimately I want to change on a level not currently possible. :/

What I'd really like is a full gender transformation, ideally in a handy pill form. ;)

Would I be content to be just one woman, though? Sometimes I want to be a princess, other times a tart. A beautiful bride. A Gothic lady. A Victorian d├ębutante. A 50s housewife. I want to try so many kinds of femininity...

Sometimes I'm Betty, sometimes I'm Grace, occasionally I'm something else like Tina. Just occasionally.

I like to think I'd settle down (with the right man ;) ) but I'd probably love costume parties...

In the meantime I roleplay, read stories and captions and comics, and fantasise about being turned into a girl...

Politically I'm a feminist - the things I want to happen to me I don't want to happen to women in general.

Hello world!

By popular demand (of one person) I now have a blog. No idea how much I'll use it, but here it is.